It has been a really busy 2 weeks. I started my own business! I’m taking a giant scary leap. Life with no net.
And why the hell not. What’s a little heart stopping terror? Pssshaw.
It sure has a day of emphasizing my aloneness. There is no one here to catch me if I fall.
I’m feeling especially alone, and like the massage parlor right now because of tonight.
Boy side and I were talking/hanging out on the phone, he had been working on his shop bench for a bit, but decided to stop as it was getting late. Going up to his office, so we could chat some more, he walked through the living room and told his wife he was going to go up stairs to talk to me. I couldn’t really hear her response.
Is it me, or does this just strike you as odd? Sometimes the oddness of their marriage hits me like a Mac fucking truck.
Anyway, we were talking about some sexy things, he was trying on clothes, when she knocked on the door. Wanting a back rub.
“Can I call you back in 20-30 min?”
“Yeah, sure thing.”
Heart hurting quiet as we ended our call.
I don’t like being second in the heart of someone who is my first. I especially don’t like coming second to someone I don’t like.
I feel kind of angry. But mostly at myself. Because I’m a dumb ass.