@drcouts thank you. It’s so kind and sweet of you to say. 😘😊❤
I took a chance and put myself out there emotionally, in a way I don’t normally do, and it didn’t work out. And that’s okay. Suffering is the price of being so vulnerable, trusting and hopeful.
At a sad moment, when Misty was trying to cheer me up, s/he said to me, “This will pass Doll, and then, when you least expect it someone will excite you again.” and boop-kissed my nose.
“Um, no thanks. The stove is hot, no touchy-touchy. I don’t ever want to feel like this again.” I said, pouting, the full weight of being rejected making my chest ache.
S/he grabbed me by my shoulders to get my full attention, “Stop. That is not who you are. You are loving and giving and brave. That is who you are. When you love someone you give them all you have. And when you want something you go after it with all you have. You are a dog with a bone – and if you hadn’t been so… determined, we never would have made it. You suffered through so much bullshit to love me, and I am so amazed – and fucking lucky – you did. Don’t let this change you and that big heart of yours.”
So I let myself feel the feelings and work on moving forward. If only there was a switch on these things.
I’m glad I tried. He was worth the swing and the miss. At one point there was a chance, the possibility of something… and well, it’s that possibility, the great unknown, that makes me realize I haven’t changed very much. I’d still risk it again, if my heart & mind are so compelled.
I’d rather love and suffer, than feel nothing and never have the possibility.
But because it rarely happens that I meet someone who sparks that kind of feeling, I think I’ll be safe for awhile. Which, I’m not sad about.
Thank you so much for wanting me to not suffer. I wish that for us too, less suffering and more joy-filled loving. And prosecco in the hot tub!
Much love & friendship,
Becca