Oh jesus… today is a day where I try to wrestle control of my hormones. 

I’m crying over everything and nothing. In every shady corner feels like DOOM is lurking. And I’m ready to snap like a dry twig.

“She’s cute.” He/she said about this girl who is taking my clients. I had forwarded him her website to look at. The girl in question, who I’ve met on a few occasions locally (we know a lot of the same businesses), just started offering all of the same services I do. It doesn’t feel good. She and I were supposed to have a chat this morning – I never heard from her.

Misty/boy-side knows all about it, and I forwarded the website to show him just how many of my services she was offering and a fraction of the price, completely under cutting me. 

So his comment about her attractiveness felt like a sharp slap to the face. And then when I cried his words about my emotional response just made me feel worse.  The childish hurt anger in me just wanted to shout “Then going fucking fuck her! Go be with her if she’s so fucking awesome!” I didn’t.  My inner monologue sounded ridiculous even to my hormone soaked brain, so I just cried some more instead. 

I want to curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep, and wake up when I’m feeling less utterly defeated. 

I have work deadlines today too. 

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw… of wait, it’s like that’s happened already…