Published Author x2!

So today was our book launch for the compilation book Heal Vol. 4 – a book of stories about – surprise! – healing and triumph. I’ve written a chapter.

I spoke at the event today and I wanted to share what I said/prepared. I ad libbed a bit, but this is mostly it. 🙂

Good morning everyone, it is so wonderful to see you all here today!

My chapter is about Resilience. The Oxford Dictionary defines it as: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. I also like to call it GRIT. It’s that Japanese proverb fall down 7, get up 8 thing. 

How many of you out there are parents? Well, I know I don’t need to tell you that parenting can be hard, stressful, especially if you have a child who struggles with mental health and is neurodivergent. Neurodivergent is just a fancy way of saying they don’t process information the same way a typical brain would. No parent wants to see their kid suffer. Or fall down. But there is a real joy in seeing them rise from those hard things. 

I was called to write this chapter because my oldest son, Thomas has had a rough go of it. He’s been dealing with anger, depression, IED (intermintent explosive disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), ADHD, and dips his toe into the autism spectrum. I’m really happy, and amazed, to say he’s come a long way. There were some days when I didn’t think we would make it.

When I first became a parent on April 8th, 18 years ago, I thought it would be me teaching my child about life, but what I have found, after all these years and 4 children later, is that it is them who teach me. The more questions I ask, the more attention I pay, the more I learn. And the biggest, toughest lesson that Thomas has taught me is about resilience. That when you think there is no more hope, that you can’t push through to another day, you can. 

I wanted to write about this because there were so many times during these years where I felt alone. Where I felt let down by our medical system. I was so frustrated by the lack of support for kids who are struggling with their mental health – struggling against real, medically diagnosed disorders. These things are so much bigger than just taking some mediation. There is a real, and quite frankly terrifying, lack of support for them AND us – the parents. 

I wanted to share my experience with you on how a person has to be firm, be a strong advocate for your child to even start getting help. I call it bringing out my Mama Bear. And you have to educate yourself. 

There was one instance where had I not been able to argue with the ER’s Psychiatric doctor about trauma, prove my point with another doctor’s findings (I highly recommend the body keeps score by Dr Bessel van der Kolk), I’m sure he would have turned us away from further help. 

I can see how easily kids slip through the cracks. And why we have a mental health crisis in this country. Why we have homeless and those who struggle with addiction – because we are not treating our mental health. Mentally strong people don’t turn to drugs or live on the streets. 

There was one instance where Thomas had spent the night in the ER, in the hallway. I was grateful they could keep him. So my other three kids and myself could sleep without fear. I stayed late with Thomas at the hospital until I had to go, and then came back early in the morning to pick him up. Just down from him in the hallway was another teenage boy. I over heard from the nurses that no parents had been around and he was going to be discharged on his own. It hurt my heart, and yet I know how painful, and frustrating, and infuriating it can be to deal with the abuse that can come with these disorders. How fed up the parents might have been. Sitting there I imagined how this young man’s life would play out. Then I looked at Thomas and held his hand. I’m pretty sure I cried a little, just from being so tired both physically and emotionally. 

I hope that when you read my story, you can feel some the GRIT and tenacity it’s taken to get us here. That you see Thomas’ strength to fight all the difficult impulses, to face the trauma’s that hurt and haunt him, and his ability to keep getting up.

Thank you all so much for your time today. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Now, no more fucking around, I really need to get *my* book finished.