I have reached a point of change in the way I treat myself.
After months of a drawn out, brokenhearted, ending to my relationship with Darth, I need to focus on my wellness. Physical and mental.
I was asked the other day by a good friend if I would do tough mudder with him, maybe get a team going. I am sadly in no shape right now, but this is in the fall. All of a sudden I was afraid. Oh jesus, I’m totally out of shape… god damn it. I want to do that!
So I woke up this morning and thought – I need to commit to myself. Commit.
I have been saying for months, I need to exercise every day, eat better, yada yada yada. It is time to commit to this shit. Today. Now. So I sat down, while I drank my green juice, and thought about what this looks like for me – I have made 3 major commitments to myself, the first one is:
#1. I COMMIT TO EXERCISE EVERYDAY.
I wrote this in my new note book, then I wrote the things that I make my obstacles and how I will overcome them:
I commit to do this even…
a) when I am tired.
Firstly, I am never so tired I can’t move. I am breathing, I can move my muscles, I can get out there and do the slowest run in the history of running, or the most pathetic downward dog ever, but I can still DO it. Sorry, I am not *that* tired. I can sleep after. The energy (such as it is some days) is a gift. Life is fleeting, I need to move while I can.
b) when I don’t want to.
WHAAAT? Seriously, lady, there are people out there who CAN’T. Don’t be selfish and ungrateful. There may come a time when I can’t so I need to appreciate and respect that my body can now.
c) when I have no time.
Time is definitely at a premium, no doubt. So don’t waste it. Making the time for the things that are important, being creative with the use of my time – these are things I do, so I can do this. There is always at least 30 minutes I can squeak in some where.
d) when I am sad.
It’s hard. This has plagued me. There are times when I think, “Why bother. He’s never going to touch me again.” In the past I have used being heavy like a shield against my own sexuality. De-sexing myself with it. I could feel that happening again, with losing Darth, the uncomfortable thing at work. I can’t let that happen again. I need to be fit for me. For my health, for my pleasure, and for cute outfits.
e) when I am happy.
Yay! I’m feeling happy!! I need to not celebrate with food. Do it with exercise! Jump on the trampoline! Celebrate my joy with others by *doing* something. I am committing to healthy happiness.
So that is the first of three commitments to myself. I realize that there will be ups and downs, but the important thing is to keep focused. When things take a turn, get back up and keep going.
Day one – ran 5.29k. (not naked)