I have been cleaning and organizing my crawl space. Misty has been showing me how to build things, and I’ve built a bunch of shelving (I’ll throw some pictures in another post – did I post my shoe rack, I can’t remember) and in this process I’ve been going through things. Getting rid of crap. It’s crazy how much shit I still have left down here. (I say ‘here’ because I am currently set up at my sewing table on my lap top). Anyway, I found an absolute ton of old tapes. And a tape player.
I went out with Sean when I had just turned 19. I met him after a 54-40 concert, where I was in the front row. He was part of the opening band. I walked right up to him, introduced myself and was in full on hunt mode. It was a sexy night and I did the walk of shame (with my friend Karin, who totally got down with the bassist) the next day . Since he was on tour he ended up leaving the next day but we stayed in touch and then a few months later, I moved to a new city and right in with him. We went out for about 4.5 years(ish?). During that time we moved clear across the country, for the sake of his music career. He was 6 years older than me, and I felt pretty flexible. The place I was working even transferred me, and being a military brat I had no problem picking up stakes and trying something new.
We were more friends than lovers at the end. He just didn’t have the sex drive I did. I wanted it all the damn time and every time he turned me down it cut into me. In the end, I wanted to be wanted. Passionately. I knew he loved me… but it wasn’t enough. I needed SEX.
During our break up, which was painful (and really the last year together was just a drawn out death of us), he finally wrote songs about me. I had asked him to, when things were good, but he never did. Instead I got the breakup songs. He just calls me “She/her” because “nothing really rhymes well with Bec or Rebecca”. He played them for me in his new place. This one made me cry at the time. He gave me copies.
Every now and then I creep his social media (hey! Isn’t that what it’s for?) and he never recorded these on anything he ever put out. Shame. I liked it.
If you care to hit play, you can hear it too. A moment from my past.