I’m just tired. The climb in front of me feels large today… And I just want to sit for a moment and rest. Maybe eat some chocolate.

I voted, and so did millions of others and Canada has a new Prime Minister! I am hopeful. I am damn happy our dictator Harper (asshat) finally got handed his walking papers, but it feels like there is a giddy excitement over the new Canadian political climate. I hope it inspires people to get involved and be a part of the change.

Things with Misty have been that wonderful, sexy, heart-stopping, front row of the roller coaster ride. Hold onto your hats…

I had said to him/her my fears of his huge life changes, mainly the separation of he and his wife, that he will go on to reject all things relationship-y. Reject me. And that is a totally possible thing. Romance and love have a huge percentage of timing built in. You and that other person have to converge at just the right time, your heart ready and open to give and receive.

I had to go through my bitchy early 20s, my humbling late 20s/early 30s, and my Phoenix like rebirth in my late 30s, to rediscover my sexuality, my strength and my heart. And then have my heart tossed into the woodchipper. By 40, I was really ready to begin, still healing, but ready. Hopeful.

I found Misty by way of surfing accident. BOOM! There s/he was – cute and sweet. I was… Curious. Intrigued. Turned on. S/he sparked something in me that warms me today. It can leap up into a burning desire that makes me dizzy with need, or like tonight, warms me – heart and soul.

I have thought, “I wish I had met her/him sooner!”, but I wasn’t the right person for him, for an us, until now. I was not ready. Well, I probably could have skipped over the Darth years quite nicely, but there were lessons in there too. Lesson one: saying I love you doesn’t replace actual caring acts. Lesson two: lying is a deal breaker for me. Lesson three: keep going and be gentle with yourself. Letting go doesn’t always mean a loss. Just to name a few.

You can read those things on inspirational Pinterest boards, but when they get seared into your heart with a hot poker, those things leave their mark.

So is s/he ready? Is s/he in the right place for me? Well that, you fabulous people, is the million dollar question. I hope so. I am hopeful.

S/he treats my heart gently. With love and kindness. I am so blessed. With all the harsh me-me-me-ness out there, I’m lucky to have met someone with good, gentle soul.

Tonight I wish I was falling asleep wrapped in his arms. I wish s/he could kiss away the odd melancholy that has a hold of me tonight, that has settled on me as a lack of get-up-and-go. No work out. No reno’ing. Just quietly being.

So I sip my tea, and think about getting into bed.