I’m at the airport waiting to board the plane back to what I used to call home, Nova Scotia, when my good friend calls me.

She was at my house checking in on the cats, and got the present I had left fot her on the counter – some chocolates and a deck of oracle cards. She collects different sets of them (the cards) and has a wonderful, erie ability to find relavent and insightful readings for me. While we chatted she pulled the card pictured above.

In the therapy I went to this year there was a lot of focus on hurts of the past and how they shape my behavior and patterns I have because of them. One of the big emotional hurts was from my Dad. Not anything like sexual assault or grizzly like that, but the words chosen and said, along with a slap on face, that stayed with me and created the beginning of not being good enough.

I think of it like a snowball. A little icey start, that one incident after another stuck too, years later, it’s a huge ball. It sometimes rolls after me, Indiana Jones style.

There is a honoring rememberance of what has made me, and tgen there is the destructive past wallow. It can be a fine line.

I love my Dad, and that terrible moment doesn’t overshadow all of the good things he’s done for me. He is a flawed human just like the rest of us. And I know he feels terrible about what he said to me all those years ago when I was 13.

Im looking forward to seeing Mum and Dad, and my brothers, sister-in-law and my sister (who used to be my brothers wife, but will always be my sister) . There will be drinks and laughter and lots of hugging.

I am not feeling very Christmasy, but then the Pougues havent played yet.

And I miss my love. Who will be with his kids. We’ve had a week together since my people left to be with thier Dad for the holidays. It has been glorious to get all that wonderful time together. I treasure our time. Great sex, conversation and love.

Great things to remember too.