Life is an ever evolving thing.

Sometimes up, sometimes down. But I (mostly) always keep trying to be better. Better my mind, my body, my finances, my kids, my relationships.

It really is like spinning plates. Spend too much time on one and the others fall to the floor with a crash. The key is spending just enough time on each one.

So the plates that I have let crash to the floor, I’m reglueing. Misty is right by my side cheering me on.

I’ve gained 40 lbs in the last 2.5 years. It’s a lot . I’m 5.5 pounds lighter in that picture. It’s such a fucking battle!! A battle with my mind and body. But I have started. 2 weeks on the new road – a road to a lightness in being. That is both physical and mental as well. My heart and mind are happier fitter. I *know* this. I’ve been there.

I’m down 4.5lbs. It’s a start.

I’ve also got lots of work on my plate. Which is a good thing since a debt of my ex’s has come calling… And it’s a lean on my house. So the house is in jeopardy again. That hit me a month ago and has had me reeling with fear and hopelessness.

My oldest continues to push all my buttons. At once. I worry for his future. And I wish I could help him, even as he drives me totallly batshit crazy.

So i have few plates that need some focus.

I also always have a little (sometimes a lot) of fear that Misty will move on from me. It helps keep me always grateful and in the moment with him/her. And since my therapy, when it gets really bad (the fear), I practice imaginary letting go. For me. To remind myself that I should never hold on to something that isn’t there. That I am worthy of love. It is an important exercise. #lessonsactuallylearned

Back to work! *spins work plate*