Thinking time…
I renovated my bathroom (mostly) myself (I hired someone for the drywall – fuck that) and aside from my bedroom (which is my private oasis) the bathroom is my favourite room in the house. I drew a picture of what I wanted it to look like and then I got busy. It took me 2.5 years. As someone I adore says, Oi. I learned a lot. But that’s not really what this post is about.
It is about learning though.
When I want something I throw myself into it. I feel the tickity tock of time, so I take risks to do it. So whether it’s something – like a full bathroom reno down to the studs, or someONE like Sweet boy, I go for it and jump. A leap of faith. A belief that things will work out. And that I can steer MY ship, do my very best to get there.
Misty/boyside is SO supportive. I’ve been honest about what I’m feeling even before it was something. Misty and I talk about everything. She saw the change in me before I did.
Misty and I have been in an open relationship since day 1, and up until now that has been me watching Misty find and explore others. Though we play together 98% of the time, she does do some solo adventuring. Misty has been honest with me about her desire for another person in her/his life. It’s been hard for me but worth the growth and experience. It’s difficult to explain, I came from traditional monogamous programming. It wasn’t until I discovered tumblr 10+ years ago that I started to question it, and figure out that there are other ways to have relationships. But still the programming fucks with me every now and then. And now, here I am having feelings about someone else. Misty is a little smug, but mostly just enthusiastic and supportive.
I am getting to know Sweet boy and I’m eager to know more. So far I’ve learned he’s is funny, sexy in a soft submissive way that makes me want to take care of him, cuddle him into me and also edge him until he’s cross-eyed, then make him wait, see just how needy he can get, whimpering and begging… *clears throat* Where was I… yeah, so he really does dirty things to my insides, but he’s so much more than that – smart, cool, thoughtful, caring – just what I’ve found out so far. I find I want to learn all about him and his world. I know he’s flawed, I want to learn about that too.
Oh, I forgot to mention he’s skittish. He’s been through a lot. He hasn’t said as much, but I believe he’s had his heart hurt for sure, a few different ways, and he is still in recovery. And In comes me – bull in a china shop. Oi.
At one point I thought I had really upset Sweet boy, that I had forced myself on him, and was teary and upset that things were over before they had really begun. Thankfully that was not the case.
I’m having to slow my roll, which is difficult for me. Misty gave me a bit of a lecture about how I’d handled things. She’s been on the receiving end of my determination, as well as see me plow through things. But she’s also seen me take my time and be patient too, so she knows I am capable.
It’s hard when I’m excited.
I’m taking a deep breath, and shifting gears to hopefully something that feels better to him, and I still feel good too. I have a feeling there is going to be a learning curve, and few tries to get it right. Kind of like when I replumbed the bathroom.