I’m feeling sorry for myself.

This is a tumblr therapy post where I journal out unsexy, sad feelings. If this isn’t your thing, keep scrolling.

Sweet boy… isn’t into me. It hit me harder than I thought it would or could.

He is amazing. My heart gets all fluttery when we message and the more we shared, the more feelings I got. It was (is) lust and affection and friendship…

We are just being friendly now. It is easier than not talking at all (which we did for a couple of days until I couldn’t stand it and reached out), and comes with its own challenges.

I feel like he is just being nice to me. I want to ask him what he is feeling but know how lame that is at this point. That stupid hopeful part of me keeps thinking maybe I’m misreading something, a crazy miscommunication. How could he have said those other things before, shared stuff with me – there must have been something there…? And yet now we are here. Friends?

I want soo badly for him to have a change of heart – to want me.

I need to be honest with myself. And the writing is on the wall. In big neon block letters – Girl, He is Not Into You. It’s painful how even typing that out makes my chest ache.

I feel like an asshole. “Poor me, the boy I like doesn’t like me back but is still being nice to me…” Ugh.

My next thought is “I am such a self absorbed dick. No wonder.”