“As soon as I wake up, I check my phone, hoping there’s a message from you.”
—
Or my urge to immediately text him. At some point I know this will stop. It will fade.
Misty gave me a very sharp talking to last night.
“He doesn’t want any relationship with you. He never wants to meet you. He has no desire to kiss or hug you. He doesn’t really want to know you. Doesn’t care about your day. Stop pouring care into him, it’s like pouring it into a black hole.” S/he said. And not without care.
It still was a punch in the gut. I don’t think it’s totally untrue, and maybe it’s all true, but I still have that twisted hope and feelings that nag at me. There is a part of me that wants to continue to care for him even though I know he doesn’t feel the same way. Even though he doesn’t want it. I can feel your eyes rolling from here, hell, I rolled my eyes at myself.
Until the day comes when I release the last of my hope, like a balloon into sky, I will sit with these feelings.