I almost messaged him today.

Sometimes that happens, though it hasn’t been this strong in a while. The urge to connect with him almost over powered my grasp of the truth – the truth being he doesn’t want to hear from me. It is a truth that still stings, these feelings of rejection. It makes me feel a stupid amount of shame.

I keep a post in my drafts that I look at when I’m feeling the urge, reminding myself that people who want you in their lives will do the things to keep you there. Sometimes my heart tries to argue it, saying “show him you want him to be in yours!”. My heart is a dumbass, who has serious ego issues sometimes.

What made today special? Why the urge today to reach out? I wanted to wish him a happy belated Father’s Day (he’s a great Dad). But instead I’m telling you, and sharing my embarrassing feelings.

When will the apathy kick in?