I love this view.

It was jacket weather, but not mitten weather today. The ice from the big storm last week was gone, as well as most of the snow. A bunch of my Saturday was spent cleaning up all the fallen branches that the ice had ripped down, with the boys. Today was a bit more relaxed with sleeping in, lazy sex with Misty followed by snuggles and napping, then breakfast.

Later on my daughter and I went out for a walk to get in some girl talk, which can often be hard to do with the other three around. We talked about boys and relationships.

Her first boyfriend had broken up with her just before she went to her Dad’s for the holidays. He was her first kiss. She was pretty crazy about him. Last summer they had been dancing all around each other – it was all the classic Rom Com communication breakdown stuff. When I asked about it she just would wring her hands and talk about how she wished he would just ask her out, or do something.

“Fortune favours the brave, my lovey.” I said to her as we walked in the warm summer evening.

“But I’m not that brave.” She said looking sheepish

“Yes you are! Who stood up for the new girl when the other kids were picking on her? You. Who got up in front of the whole school and sang at the talent show? You. Who stands toe to toe with her brothers and makes them quake with a mere look? You. So don’t try to sell that crazy to me, I’m not buying.” I looked at her and she was smiling.

“But this is a NEW kind of brave. Brave with your heart. And bravery takes practice. But you can do this. Tell him how you feel. What is the worst that could happen?” I ask

“He could say he doesn’t feel the same way. He could laugh at me. He could ignore me.” She responds, and I can tell by her tone she’s imaging those things.

“Yeah. They totally could.” I respond, thinking about my own heart, “But what is worse, those things or to have never even tried and missed out? What if the best was possible?” I finished and we both smiled at each other and walked in silence for a bit.

She ended up being brave.

And now she was hurting and struggling.

One thing about my girl is she is the most stoic person I know. When she was little, any bumps or bruises she was quiet as a mouse. A tough cookie. Never complains. She doesn’t whine or fuss, or squeal. So asking her the right questions is really important, then once she gets talking, I just need to listen.

She tells me about how she was so angry the other day that he had the nerve to text her and ask for one of her friend’s (that he had been flirting with) snapchat.

“I would have given my phone the ol’ double fingers” I said making the middle fingers with booth hands, shaking them up and down.

“Oh my god, I totally did that!” and we both laugh.

“And then I see him at school and I feel all those stupid butterflies…” and I can see her get that stern, I-am-so-not-going-to-cry look on her face.

“I completely get it.” and I do. I can’t help but see the parallels to my journey with heartbreaker and I wonder if I went through it all so I could be here for her now, with crystal clear clarity of what that feels like.

“Do you know what the stages of grief are?” I ask, expecting to roll right into an explanation.

“Yeah, I think I do… it’s denial first, then bargaining, then I think it’s depression and finally acceptance.” She says and I’m more than a little blown away that she knows that, and I’ll admit, proud.

“Wow, yes! And it’s not a straight run to acceptance. You’ll feel sad, then you’ll want to bargain, then you’ll be angry and maybe back to sad… until it runs it’s course. However long that is.” and then we talk about the different times she’s felt each of these feelings.

“When we broke up, I told him I was fine. I wasn’t fine, I still cared about him. But I didn’t want him to know I was hurting, he didn’t seem to be, so I didn’t want to show him. I felt weak.” she said to me wrapping her arms around herself, even though it wasn’t that cold.

“When you hide how you feel a couple of things happen, A) the person has no idea how you feel B) then they can only act with the information that they’ve been given. People aren’t mind readers. And not to defend his action about the snapchat, but you told him you were fine, so he is acting with that information.

If you had told him "I am sad that this is happening because I still care about you, so this is going to be really hard for me.” then he has more choices. He can still chose to disregard your feelings, but now he has all the information.

Expressing how you feel is not weak. But it can make you feel really emotionally naked. Another new kind of brave.“

We talked about other things as we walked, I love listening to her. At 13 and a half she is wise beyond her years.

I feel lucky that I get to be her Mom.