AMEN. My armchair theory is that society still finds the notion of dominant females so subversive and unnatural that ‘anger’ and ‘contempt’ are perceived as the only possible drives behind a woman wanting to dominate a man. Being caring, joyful AND powerful are viewed as contradictions.
Because unfortunately till this day, the majority of all non amateur related porn out there, is made by men, for men. Even lesbian porn or ‘women friendly’ porn is an absolute nightmare to watch.
If I may, I would like to suggest that possibly the other problem is that the non-amateur porn industry’s producers are primarily dominant males, specifically the more… Shall we go with Domly Dom? types. (If you’d prefer more cynical terms, “insecure” and “abusive” work quite nicely but that’s just me).
The reality is that gentle D/s porn is fairly thin on the ground in general from the industry, and what little is out there tends to be the dd/lg or md/lb variety.
I think that @nice-predator really hits the nail on the head with “Being caring, joyful AND powerful are viewed as contradictions.“ – these people cannot concieve of a form of D/s that isn’t violent, that isn’t infected with contempt for the submissive, or infantilisation of the submissive, because that’s all they think a leader or boss should be.
And that’s where we can put the whole thing into a broader societal and even international context: for example, witness Trump’s callous, presumptious and catastrophic ineffectiveness in dealing with Covid19 and compare with Jacinda Ardern’s understanding, caring, decisive and superbly effective management of the pandemic.
I don’t think this is just an issue with just the porn industry: I think it’s a symptom of a broader issue of what we expect from our leaders generally, how our bosses conceptualise themselves and the business of being in charge. Because for whatever reason, we have gotten this idea/ideal that leaders must be tough, must make that hard decision, must be willing or even eager to harm people, to be effective, capable leaders.
But that’s wrong.
And it’s especially wrong when it comes to sex and sexuality, where the concerns of economics or warfare or crime are entirely irrelevant, where intimacy, emotional needs, pleasure, and yes, safety and care for the other(s) are literally all that matter.
But hey, these producers making things are the guys Running Their Business, or Taking Care Of Business if you’d prefer (and consider the connotations attatched to those phrases for a moment), while I’m just a switchy amateur audio porn guy, so what do I know? 😛