Love, Swinging & Poly – It’s mixed bag
Part 2 – Adventures & Life Lessons in Swinging
I was in a very traditional marriage for 12 years. Previous to that I was a kind of mild version of Girls Gone Wild, the girlfriend who was hard to tame. But married I was soooo vanilla… until the last couple of years.
What happened? A lot, but a big catalyst was finding Tumblr. It lit a fuse on something that had been building in my soul – the need for kinkier sex and adventure. As I stumbled across more kinks (back in the good ol’ days when tumblr was more fun and porn-y) I got more and more excited. I had never kissed a girl, how was that possible?? I had never been naked outside. I had never had rough sex. I had never been dominated. I had never used a strap on. So. Many. Things. To. Try. At 37 I was hearing the tickity-tock of time, and the call to really get living. My first blog was Ms. Awakening, inspired by the Anis Nin quote – some people never awaken.
Fast forward through 3 years of hard fought for freedom, and I was ready emotionally to find fun and adventure on my own. I could be a unicorn, sure I could, I kept telling myself nervously. Good friends (from here and RL) encouraged me to find some fun and meet people locally. 40 was going to be awesome, I could feel it. My Spidey Senses were not wrong, as I found Misty only a few of months later.
If you’ve read anything about Misty, you’ll know she is 100% fun and adventure. Sunshine in human form. When we started talking/met it wasn’t about becoming a couple AT ALL. S/he was in an open marriage (with one of the most repugnant people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting, but I digress) and was looking for a sexual adventure partner, and I was looking for sexual adventure with no huge emotional component. It was perfect!
Within the first month I had been to 3 sex parties. One private party at a property that had a bunch of little cabins and yurt. Outdoor nakedness – check. Kissing a girl and fondling each other (with Misty holding me) – Check. Gang bang (with Misty holding and kissing me) – check. S/he didn’t even know all the things she was checking off my Dirt Nap List™. And all the while, completely focused on my experience and pleasure. Making sure I was safe, comfortable, checking in with me. I had never felt so cared for.
It wasn’t long until we met couples for more intimate play. I was starting to develop Feelings for Misty. I was worried how I would feel about seeing Misty actively engage with another. Would I be jealous? Upset? Sad? I just had no idea, this was new territory. A relationship model that I had ZERO experience with myself in. I will never forget the first time I saw Misty kiss and fuck another woman. My reaction surprised me to my core… I felt complete JOY. I told the man who I was touching, I need to just stop and watch this, he chuckled and let me just be fully present watching Misty. Joy and lust bubbled up inside me that made me feel lightheaded. I had never, not once, in my life ever felt anything like it. I was hooked.
Swinging isn’t without it’s hiccups. And to say there were never moments of fear on my part would be a lie. But 80-90% of the time is was amazing. As I fell more and more in love with Misty, it was much more her Love Wall that caused the upset. I had a deep fear that I would be left behind. Looking back now, I can see how foolish that was. Not because I don’t think it could happen (it could), but because you can’t be afraid of the bus that may come around the corner and hit you. Worry about stuff like that is stupid, and robs you of happiness in the moment.
I’ve met a lot of incredibly sexy, fun, kind people in our play. And it’s always fun to bump into them again. We met up with the host of the yurt event at a local club at the last event before Covid. It was like meeting wonderful old friend, except with deep kisses and ass gropes. There is a quote that floats around tumblr and every time I see it I think of him, because he pretty much said it word-for-word, “Oh my god, you are an amazing kisser. I just love kissing you!”, and every time we bumped into him that night, he would bring me in for another one, and say more sweet words. Misty would be smiling from ear to ear, and a one point said, shouting above the thumping club music “If you think her kisses are awesome, you should try her blow jobs!”
There are so many stories about our sexual adventures that I’d love to share to highlight the appreciation, gratitude, and respect we have for each other. How much we value each other’s need to be an individual as well as a partner-in-crime/accomplice. How much finding that person who supports your growth, your ever-changing self, whatever that looks like is just… magical.
Not everyone wants to adventure like I do. And I don’t *always* want to adventure. Sometimes it is the best to be curled up in cozy blankets, conversation, and rainy days.
As we enjoyed “the lifestyle”, I came across some funny belief systems. Poly vs Swinging. Swinging was treated liked the ugly, less clever, sibling to poly. And if you weren’t poly, then you weren’t very evolved. Which totally pissed me off.
Misty is polyamorous through and through. She loves the idea of having multiple meaningful relationships. I was unsure of what I was. I didn’t want a bunch of emotional connections. The idea of that felt completely EXHAUSTING. I had watched friends go down that road and listened to their drama. No thanks. I liked the freedom of sexual encounters, that were friendly and warm but not “Let’s connect our social media and have our kids meet.” crazy.
Poly became a hot topic for us.
I’ll write more about that next. If you made it to the end of this tome, thank you! I really appreciate your time and care.