Abandoned Wooden Rollercoaster (1098 x 1593)
At my book launch I gave a talk. I wrote out the bones, but I add libbed a bit (playing off what other speakers had mentioned), but I thought I would post it here anyway.
**Thanks to DeeAnne and team**
**Thanks to every one who came today and bought a book**
Not everyone battles the same demons.
And for those who have no demons – I salute you and want all your secrets
But for the rest of us by demons I mean the things that eat away at your self worth, your enthusiasm, and your soul – Demons that insist you live a small life, conform and do what’s expected – Do not go outside of your comfort zone. Demons that want to keep your light dull and you sleeping though life. If feels dramatic to name your demons out loud – but I encourage you to do it today. Shine your light on them.
I do it in my chapter and I’ll do it today – it was Fat.
Now that’s a word that makes people feel uncomfortable. It still makes me feel uncomfortable! But I was – at 27, one year after getting married I gain 100 lbs. And I kept it on for 6 years – I call it my life coma. I got lost, I wasn’t myself, I just seemed to exist. Not unhappily, but in a strange fog.
There were lots of reasons why that happened, and why it lasted for so long. I talk a bit about that in my chapter. We keep ourselves in situation that are bad for us and terrible for millions of reasons. We can rationalize our choices even as they go against what we value. Maybe some of mine resonate with you.
– I didn’t want to upset those around me
– losing that much weight felt impossible
– I told myself this was the life I chose for myself
– I deserved this
– I was afraid of what would happen if I changed.
The last one was a big one. Change is hard. Not just mechanics and habits of it, but what happens in your heart and mind. It is exciting and terrifying – like a roller coaster. But lots of people end up living on the merry-go-round. Predictable. No surprises. And kind of boring.
But this book is called Heal – not wallow. and in my chapter I will take you through the things I battled to get to that rid of that weight – But more importantly was the lightness in my soul. It was not a sprint, it was a marathon.
There was one point where I am at my doctors office, 30 lbs down but still not feeling a difference and he asked me how I was doing. I completely sole a line from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and said, “It’s like the Storming of Normandy – without the laughs.”
It was a battle – a battle against my own self talk, my environment, and even my body.
Taking responsibility for the fact that the life I had been living/existing in was NOT the way I wanted to live was a huge step. It was more than just my health, it was about a life style where I am active, and doing fun cool things but in order to get there, I needed to face where I was.
I know it is a huge buzzword these days, but it’s no joke, it was changing my mindset that was the key to gaining momentum with my weight loss, and ultimately changing my entire life. I was lucky it happened – the mindset wakeup call – it gave me a chance to live. Really, full out, wind in my hair living. It feels like a second chance at life.
So many people never wake up – they just get on the hamster wheel of life and stay there, with low level unhappiness that isn’t bad enough to do anything about. I medicated myself with food. Food to ease the pain I couldn’t put my finger on. But the idea of who I really wanted to be put me on the right path.
As I really started to imagine the life I wanted – dreamed of – got excited about, my life expanded and things changed. The fear of those changes evaporated as I just started Doing the things. I didn’t realize how much change I was bringing on – the scope of it. That in those next few years I would almost die at the hands of someone I once loved, that I would teeter on homelessness with my 4 kids (8,7,4) but then rise from the smoke and rubble of my former life.
This is the start of that journey. I hope you enjoy my chapter and stay tuned for my book. Again, you can follow me the xxxx.com for updates. Thank you so much.