Hooo boy, do I know how to fail. 

I need to get better at the process though, because failing and then failing at the same fucking thing AGAIN, is just stupid.

So I am struggling with my health. My weight has been climbing for almost 4 years, and I keep fighting but only seem to lose ground – it has me terrified and turning to food as life, in all other areas, gets harder too. It’s just the perfect storm for getting fat. AGAIN. 

Fuck.

But today is a new day. Today is an opportunity to pull out of a nose dive, one moment at a time. 

My tumblr is likely going to be talking about this for some time, since it’s going to take me a while to lose 45lbs. 

Can I just say, I can’t even believe this is where I am at. AGAIN. And I can’t even tell you the number of times I cry about it. 

I have the best intentions and then go off the rails with food. I haven’t been able to get into a good eating rhythm. 

*deep breath*

Today is a new day. A new opportunity. 

*deep breath*

A realization hit me a few days ago that felt like a freight train – I’ve lost my sexy mojo. I think that makes me saddest of all. 

Misty and I still go to sex clubs and meet fun people for sexy times, but my mojo? It hasn’t been there for a while. I haven’t felt sexy in my own skin, *really* sexy, for some time. And I need that back. 

So “Operation Becca’s Mojo” is back in effect – and it starts with treating myself better. Eating better. I know it won’t be perfect, but I need to be so much better than I am today to stop this trend of gaining. I need to be even more mindful. 

Root for me?