Parenting – nothing like the brochure.

My oldest continues to put me through my paces. I did not want to turn to medication (it just feels so fucked up to medicate a 14 year old for depression) but something needs to be done. He told the psychiatrist that he would quit pot if he could get some other kind of relief.

I am flying blind. Maybe I’m making more mistakes than I can count, I don’t even know.

I’ve been overwhelmed with life that last few weeks. I feel like I am sufficating in my body. And there is no where to go.

I just want to sleep as everything feels like it is falling apart. And then I just feel like a failure. A gross, ugly failure.

And I feel like I have passed along my penchant for sadness to my son, and it breaks my heart all over again.