Merry Christmas from Señor Cerveza!

My baby brother (who’s in his early 30s) always gives the most hilarious Christmas presents. 🙂 I gave him and his lovely wife (who, I’m sure, thinks we’re all nuts) a decorative glass Bigfoot Christmas ornament.

It was a wonderfulholiday with my family! It was the year my brothers and I figured out snap chat, and it became war of the crazy filters. So. Much. Laughing. And Señor Cerveza had many sticker heads in a headlock. Who knew snapchat could be so fun?

We also played a ton of the hilarious jackbox video games on the tv using our phones as controllers. More inappropriate humour that made my voice horse from all the laughing.

My sister, well ex-sister-in-law, but we’re keeping her (she and my brother are excellent friends), were partners in the dart tournament in the bar area my folks have. We were on fire! I even got a bulls eye. Our team name, picked from one of the inappropriate game answers from earlier in the evening, was the Vagina Tassels.

Dad’s bar area we call the Tailhook Tavern, because on the wall hangs a hook from the aircraft my Dad flew off of the only Canadain aircraft carrier. The whole space is covered in all of his military awards and keepsakes.

The cards of remberance were good and true as we all spent the first Christmas without our family’s Matriarch, my Grandmum. There we’re lots of memories shared and the sharp pain of the end of an era shared.

My Dad had a few asshole moments. But we all managed to avoid drama, and my brothers and I had a good laugh about it. At one point he said to me,

“Jesus, your nails are too damn long girl – get them shorter next time!”

“I like them this way. When you have yours done be sure to get ones you like.”, was my clipped response. I love my Dad but sometimes the shit that comes outvof his mouth is just so critical and unkind. Ah well, you can’t change anyone.

I spent late nights on the phone with Misty, catching up with her/him. With the 4 hour time difference it was tough, but I made the time. One night s/he was feeling the need for a penis, and had been talking about going to a steam bath. 99% of these are men only, and so I couldn’t have gone even if I was there. I went to bed after talking to him/her and s/he went on a srxy adventure. It didn’t work out exactly as s/he had hoped but he did get some sexy play in. Impossible for him not to. I was, and am, a complicated swirl of emotions.

I am always happy to see him/her doing the things (and people) that make her/him happy, but at thr same time it is pinchy on my heart. That ol’ “not good enough” feeling is hard to shake. But I find now I tell myself, “If it makes you unhappy, take care of your heart and leave. That is always an option.” Somehow it is comforting to remind myself that it is my job to make sure I am happy, and suffering is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Worst case scenario, I am unhappy and leave, I would miss him/her in my life but I would not miss that kind of pain. I find I love happiness too much. And I also love feeling like I matter – that I am loved.

Even though his solo adventures are pinchy on my heart, there havent been very many of them, and s/he always takes care with my feelings. And there is transparency, and as much truth as I can handle (and I want it all).

This has really been 2 posts in one. As my plane is getting ready to leave, I will think of getting home and my babydoll’s kisses.