I didn’t read the Game. 

It reminded me too much, upon hearing it described by Misty, of Darth aka the Elven Prince (as my brother called him) – manipulation. And that kind of power in the wrong hands is just, wrong. 

Anyway, that said, this book was amazing. An emotional roller coaster for me as I could see myself as both the “Love Addict” and the “Love Avoidant” at various times in my life.  Yes, I have a fuck load of issues swirling around that are keeping me from living the best life I can. 

I have been in the cage of “love” and I have felt like a jailer (though not with ANY desire to be one). 

Neil, like myself, just wants freedom and his journey to find it is nothing short of amazing. So many parallels to my own feelings, and some completely opposite, but it was filled with lots of fantastic food for thought. 

Boy-side and I went away on vacation to Mexico. To look for a beach house. What should have been an incredibly sexy fun time, went sideways because things I haven’t been taking good care of my own insides. I have been trying to shove some feelings down, and it all came back to bite me in the ass. Hard. I think I will have a scar. 

The result of my poor behavior was almost the end of us. And I booked myself into some therapy with a counselor who deals with alternative relationships. I know that everything I need is inside me, but I’m going to need some help processing it all. Traumas. Wounds that never healed properly that are infecting my life and only letting me be *this* happy. 

I don’t want sadness to be a familiar place, where I feel that’s what I deserve. That I am not good enough and alone is where I belong. I don’t want that for me. 

I have it written on my bathroom mirror “I Am Enough.” but I need to believe it. 

I need to take better care of myself.