Life is ups and downs. See that turn up ahead? You don’t know what’s around the corner… You don’t know if the bridge is out.

You can’t, or I don’t believe you should, live and love like around the next corner is certain doom, anticipating problems or pain, where there may be none.

Tonight i’m home alone.

I’m trying to not feel left out. I’m trying to be logical, looking at the facts, unplugging my emotional response. Because there is no crying in baseball.

I’m lonely and feeling unwanted. Not for the first time in my life, I feel unlovable and not wanted on the voyage (one of my favourite books) .

It makes me feel like I am just not meant to be loved. Feels dramatic and painful. That I’m lacking something. That secret thing that magically turns me into the right choice.

I’m going to stare at the ceiling. Think about how I want my life to be.

And the importance of not settling for less.