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So we make choices.

I believe in love. Love that is free. Love that is giving. Love for myself, my kids, my family, my Misty/boy side, and the people who have yet to step into my circle.

I do not know how my life will be in 5 or 10 years. I do not know how my kind of life plays out. No benchmarks I know about. Just a struggle to be recognized and loved fully. I look to the future and I’m afraid.

Loneliness. It is scary. I wish I were braver. I wish I could chew that word up fearlessly.

There will be more times with Misty/boy side where I am not included. Maybe s/he is on vacation. Maybe I can’t get out that night and join him/her on an adventure – there are a million different scenarios. I want to be there, but sometimes, like now, I can’t be.

This works in reverse too. There may be times when an adventure lands in my lap, and I know I have the freedom to explore that, and share all the dirty details. It is a wonderful thing, to have that. Even if I never use it.

Tonight Misty is out ripping up the town in Mexico, he makes friends and lovers easily, so I have no doubt he’ll get up to some trouble. We texted, I told him to have fun and be safe.

We each have this one fragile life. I want to spend my life they way I want to, and I want the people I love to do the same. It’s scary. And I want someone to hold my hand.