It’s Friday night – and there will be no Misty this weekend. No hugs, no kisses, no wild fucking, no adventures, nada. Bubkis. Fuck all lovin’.

His wife asked us to “discipline ourselves” and not see each other this weekend. I would have rather her come out and say, “I want him all this weekend." 

I just feel sad.  

She also told him she was no longer going to read this blog. 

I hope they have a good night out tomorrow – it was her birthday this week, and they are going out for a night on the town. I know s./he’s so much fun and good conversation, that they will. I really wish that for them. 

I went out to lunch with a co-worker today and she knows I’ve been seeing someone. 

"How’s that going?” She asked over her glass of lunch hour red wine.

“It’s wonderful and complicated as hell.” I replied enjoying my icy beer – it was a sunny Friday must.

“Is he divorced too?” She asked, we  had just finished talking about our respective marital shit heaps. 

“Mmmm… no. He’s in a open marriage.” I continued on as the look on her face went from shock to ‘huh?’  to ‘riiiiight…’, “It’s true, and they’ve been in one for about 10 years. I am nothing new.” I go on to talk about how I think it works for them and all the pros of them.

“Well, that kind of leaves things hard for you doesn’t it? I mean, I guess you should just enjoy him while you can. You never know when she can pull the rug out from under you, or if they just come together more – like this big date they have on Saturday – I guess that’ll be it for you huh?” She says, and I think sugar coating is for pussies anyway. 

I take a long swig of my beer. 

“You’re right. It’s not a smart position I’ve put myself in – to fall in love with this guy. But I am. So down the fucking hatch.” I also think this could be a contender for biggest understatement of 2014, and it’s only the end of January.

“Oh honey, you love this guy? Oh shit. Well, you never know things could work out.” She tries to soothe me.

In light of the week, I wonder. I wonder if my Utah fantasies aren’t just so absolutely ridiculous it’s painful. I can only go by what s/he is telling me. Somedays he’s hopeful, other days he tells me things like she doesn’t ever want to be my friend. I just don’t know what to do with that except feel deeply sad about it. 

Maybe I do watch them come together, maybe he moves on with someone else… the world is filled with more what ifs that certainties. Taxes, death and heartache. 

I want a future with him/her. I do. If s/he wants one with me too. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. 

But not this week. This weekend it’s reflect, rejuvenate, and send a wish out into the universe for some happy trails. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this crazy that I’ve gotten myself into… I would love to answer any questions you may have and post them right here. So drop me a line please!