It’s a glorious Misty day… and I am hormonal as they come.
I can’t get settled in my skin – I’m afraid to start getting ready for fear I’ll still feel awful about myself. My heart hurts today and I feel like I’m probably a person who should just be alone, like this time with Misty will be over, and everything is just hopeless. These horrible thoughts make me feel like I’m bipolar. Which also makes me sink deeper into the pity party… a vicious circle of “I am just meant to be alone”.
On top off all of this emotional/hormone roller coaster, we’re meeting a couple tonight to maybe play with… this is so not the head space to be in. I’m terrified that this could change things with Misty and I… and I want everything to slow down. I think I may throw up.
Some days the simple fact that everything changes fills me with fear and sadness. I want to rail at the injustice of it all. Today I don’t feel strong enough.
I will enjoy every moment I have with Misty tonight… slow down the tilt-a-whirl of life and take a picture with my mind’s eye. Save it for those lonely days that will catch me soon enough.