I do not fit in a label.

Straight? Bi? Genderqueer? Stop. Stop trying to force me – a square peg – into a round hole.

I’m me.

I’m in love with a beautiful girl, who’s also a handsome as fuck man.

He makes me shake. She makes me sigh and giggle.

Holy fuck, I love my life with him/her in it.

It’s complicated.

But I’m lucky. Stupid, crazy, ridiculously lucky because I can love her/him in the open thanks to his incredibly generous wife. I feel like there isn’t enough thankfulness – the gratitude I feel… warms me from head to toe. Honest to god… BLESSED.

S/he may not love me, but I feel cherished. A cherished fuck toy. A cherished friend.

It would not be the first time I loved someone who didn’t love me back. And that’s okay. It is what it is. We don’t chose love, and people can’t help who they do or do not love.

Sometimes I struggle with feeling unlovable.

Whatever happens in my life, I am proud to have made it my own. I can love who I want. When I want. How I want. I don’t care about partnerships… I am alone. If Misty chooses to walk beside me for this time, as long as s/he wants to, I will honor it with all I am and try and scoop up and enjoy every moment.

I had a really lovely talk with my sister today – on my way into work. It just felt so damn good to talk to her. Gab. Bitch. My ex-in-laws are grotty cunt nuggets. They let down my kids – so not cool. I’m listening to Foster the People thinking of her, imagining myself in her kitchen with a glass of wine, apple smoked cheddar and other nibbly bits, hanging out, laughing, goofing around.

Here is to being different! Here is to Friday! Here is to love! And here is to living the way you want to… *clink*

I know she’d love him/her… but I think she is far more trepidatious than I. She really embraced my love of Darth… and he burned me like a poptart on high – a stinky mess. She was there when I was all broken. My mother feels the same way.  She knows that he likes to be a she and I like him being both, and she worries that because s/he doesn’t love me, I am disposable. The funny thing is, had I just introduced his male alter ego, they all would love him. One less complication? But I WANT TRUTH. And so I live it. Painfully sometimes.