I went to bed feeling low. Feeling forgettable Feeling like just another name on a list that means nothing.
I dreamed. Conversations never had.
I even had a sequence that featured my ex. In my dream he told me he missed me, I recognized in my dream-state, that I wanted to say it back to him, not because I meant it, but because I didn’t want him to hurt. In my dream, I wondered how many times Darth responded to me like that… Just so I wouldn’t hurt as badly.
I woke up crying.
I’m lying in bed, trying to will myself to put my next foot in front of me. It’s dark, except for the light of my phone, quiet, except for the low rumble of the furnace. I don’t want to do this.
I’m tired.