I am posting this to both of my tumblrs.
Her-Royal-Blueness wrote an amazing post – a cautionary tale – about some absolutely terrible, shameful, gross behaviour from him. He was downright abusive. This is not a post to try a justify ANY of his disgusting behavour. At All. My very dear friend took it a step further and reblogged it, naming him and this outing is probably the best thing for him, as a true catalyst for change tends to need to be administered with dynamite. And painful. Like a heart attack.
I have been the villain in my life. It’s not fun. It’s hell, in fact. Yes, bad decisions put me in a place where I had to face the facts, I behaved really badly. I hurt someone deeply. I was an asshole. My family knew. Friends knew. He (my ex) made sure my business competition knew – smeared my name all over town. There were no shortage of good times – and all very much with my my name owning them – no tumblr persona to hide behind. Even the outrageous lies that got tacked on for good measure. I was the talk of the town. Let’s face it, everyone loves a car crash – why do so many people watch NASCAR?
I love Mountain-view-dom, and I have for almost a year. He is a well intentioned bastard who has issues, and I have watched these issues for almost our entire time together. He was never violent with me, or physically abusive, but the lies… sweet jesus, that is a terrible abuse in itself. But one of the things I love about him, is that he is struggling with it. He is human, (a human that keeps fucking up left right and center), and flawed, and he lets me see a side of him that I don’t think many have.
I feel sick that he hurt so many women. There are no excuses, and shouldn’t be, for that. None. Of course, I could psychoanalyze the whys of his behaviour all day long. I had no idea of the depth of his issues. But my role is not to fix him. I never wanted to. But after talking with Her-Royal-Blueness, I realized he really does need help, and I wished I could help him. Change, as I know you all know, has to come from within. He has to want to. Having this happen, the last call lights flick on and show all his indiscretions and poor judgement, is an eye opener. I hope it’s enough for him.
Right now it’s angry mob time, righteous indignation, the fury of every women he hurt (rightly earned) fueling the fire. It is an easy place to get swept up in, grab your pitch fork, and forget the power of kindness. I’m not saying let what he did go, or not take heed, or enable him in *any* way. I’m saying remember he’s a person. A person who fucked up and is trying to fix it and himself.
When I spoke with Her-Royal-Blueness and told her my story, she was so very kind to say to me, “You love him, I will not judge you if you choose to continue with him.” – it has been an absolute pleasure to meet both her and her husband. Good, good, people. I wish it were under more pleasant circumstances.
Ladies, he’s still a total bastard. I just felt like a coward, sitting back here watching all the hate and not standing up and facing the extremely unpopular music. I love him. It’s as simple and complicated as that.