I’m letting go, with my heart, of Darth Maul. 

I wish I could muster up some good old fashioned anger, but I can’t. Besides, that shit is toxic. No, I’ve decided to love myself more, and as an early Christmas present to myself, Jane, I’m getting off this crazy thing… called love. 

I could forgive him anything. I could keep doing this shit endlessly, because he is never going to see/love me the way I want and need. My love for him, and his weird love for me, are simply not even close to enough. Staying on the fence he has put me on is settling, and I don’t want to do that. I didn’t end my marriage, looking for love, happiness and my kinky brand of sexual fulfillment for that!! Hell no. 

I’m going to start posting again, as MsAwake, soon -just the pictures that move me sexually. I need an outlet, I’ve been bottling it up, trying to share it with him, only to be rejected. God, that is so embarrassing to admit. Brutally humiliating  and not in any kind of fun, kinky way. 

I may even join (in earnest) fetlife, and see where that goes. The jury is still out on that one. I do not need more bullshit in my life. I don’t want any more fucked up games. But meeting people locally, who live the way I want to, that may be a good thing. 

I am so done being the fool girl. The third tier, virtual back-up, sometimes-if-he-feels-like-it call. Done.

Kinkyminx sent out the challange of 14 days of Awesome… I don’t think there could be a better time to do this after the holidays – I plan on starting before the new year, and ring in 2013 on a high note. 
 

If you’ve got that special someone in your life, tell them so. Show them. Embrace the love, and let go of the fence. Adventure together, and tell me all about it. 😉