I miss playing. I miss the light hearted feeling it brings and being energized from it. 

I try. I force myself into social situations, but they are sadly few and far between. Just the nature of my life. My time is not my own, and if I wanted to join a team sport or take an art class, I just don’t have the support (read, someone to watch my kids) so I could commit to a weekly event. And let’s not forget the money part. 

I don’t know if you play the Sims, but I used to love that game. Getting all the cool stuff, building amazing homes for my person, getting a good job (making more and more money), making friends, trying to find balance like, I don’t know, – life. Right now I’m the Sim that is working, paying bills, sleeping, cleaning the toilets, keeping everyone fed, but is dangerously low on the fun meter. It’s getting into pant wetting territory. 

Add to that the general sadness that follows me around like lost puppy, one that occasionally likes to bite my ass (today). On the plus side, with the day being so busy, the kids and I going to a birthday party with lots of friends I haven’t seen in almost a year (all our kids running around together in a pack), I didn’t have a lot of time to sink into the melancholy. Which was good.

It was nice to see everyone today, the kids were great. It felt a little like play.